My Afflation

I need to get this off my chest before I forget. Forgive me, it's a little stream of consciousness as I let my thoughts wander from one tangent to another I've been thinking a lot about the concept of love lately. We blame Love for all sorts of stupidity. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a I will admit, I have done some stupid things in the name of love. I'm considering doing another. Because love is forgiving, I have chosen to turn a blind eye to things that are hurtful to me. Because love is long-suffering and sacrificial, I have sacrificed myself -- who I am. Because it does not envy, I swallow my jealousy and pride and consider courses of action ...

I tend to forget that I need to decompress every now and again. I'm so rushed, and busy, and tend to squeeze activities into every little bit of spare time, that I rarely actually take time for myself. To rest. To recuperate. To decompress. To reflect. To be still. Some days I think I might have forgotten how. My mind certainly doesn't know how to be still. Right now, I am in a hiding place, soaking up some much needed sun, but also enjoying the solitude. I'm forcing myself to stay off twitter and IM for more than a few minutes in the hopes that I can reset to some state of quietude. I don't meditate very well, I tend to fall asleep when I do. Right now, just the act of focusing on the sun on my skin, my face, my arms, the wind blowing through my hair, listening to the pigeons, and breathing. Slowly and deeply, needs to be enough. I need this. I need to get away and find a quiet place more often. I have no center anymore, which could explain a lot of my stress. On...

borrowed from @daniellesque Where did you begin 2008? Crashing on a friend's couch in Pasadena. But I got a homemade breakfast that day. What was your status by Valentine's Day? Single and in my own apartment. Were you in school (anytime this year)? Yes, I started University of Phoenix. Did you have to go to the hospital? Only for Josh and his broken arm Did you have any encounters with the police? thankfully, no Where did you go on vacation? I took a few weekend trips to the Bay Area, but no real vacation What did you purchase that was over $500? My Honda Fit Did you know anybody who got married? Yes, my downstairs neighbors. Did you know anybody who passed away? No. Death free year in my immediate circle. Did you move anywhere? From Pasadena to Long Beach. What sporting events did you attend? Vans Downtown Showdown . Skateboarding is a sport, right? ...

They aren't good thoughts. They aren't uplifting, nor inspiring, nor especially good for my self-esteem. I think that is why I have been hating the drive to Vegas and this whole season. It gives me too much time to think and reflect. And leaves me in a lot pain , which is always a mood-lifter for me. I've been canceling on people lately because of the pain and depression, feeling more and more anti-social. I really don't want to be the life of the party, but can someone drag me out once it in a while? Self-reflection is NOT what I need right now. It leads to drinking , and drinking leads to anxiety , and anxiety attacks , and that whole scenario is just bad. But if you insist on being an enabler, I'm just about out of Bailey's and completely out of everything else.

the last few days have been tumultuous, confusing, lonely, and a myriad of other feelings that have ultimately left me emotionally and physically drained. Last night I received some respite as well as affirmation and assurance that I am not the nutcase I often feel like. the lonliness is the worst. not knowing which friends to trust, or who even have time to listen to my misgivings and self-doubts, no one to talk to completely open and honestly. At least I am FINALLY aware of the type of decisions I make when I'm lonely, stressed out, and down on myself. Not acting on those impulses is getting harder and harder. and there's no one to lean on when I'm at wit's end. my spirit needs rest and restoration. my self-esteem is shot, and i feel like i have nothing left to give. where do i go from here?

Symbolism of the ashes The marking of their forehead with a cross made of ashes reminds each churchgoer that: Death comes to everyone They should be sad for their sins They must change themselves for the better God made the first human being by breathing life into dust, and without God, human beings are nothing more than dust and ashes The shape of the mark and the words used are symbolic in other ways: The cross is a reminder of the mark of the cross made at baptism The phrase often used when the ashes are administered reminds Christians of the doctrine of original sin The cross of ashes may symbolise the way Christ's sacrifice on the cross as atonement for sin replaces the Old Testament tradition of making burnt offerings to atone for sin Where the ashes come from The ashes used on Ash Wednesday are made by burning the palm crosses that were blessed on the previous Palm Sunday. Ashes can also be bought from Church suppliers. A bag of ashes big enough for 1000 people costs aro...