My Afflation

This is a guest post written by Nat Smith, Rover.com community member. Rover is the nation's largest network of 5-star pet sitters and dog walkers. Me and Zoe, my best girl for the last 11 years. She's a rescue mutt who saves me from bouts of depression, agoraphobia, and anxiety. Photo Credit: Halcyon's Serendipity Depression and anxiety persist by pulling you into downward spirals. Symptoms like fatigue, social withdrawal, and the inability to concentrate actually fuel the depressive episode that brought them on. This is why, in addition to medication and therapy, treatment often includes “disruptors.” These are relatively simple habit changes that can break the cycle. Of course, these changes aren’t easy to implement. When you’re at a low point or subsumed in panic, do you really want to stop and take a deep breath? The recovery process at its best is often described as “two steps forward, one step back.”

OMFG I don't know if I'm really unfit or if I had a minor anxiety attack, but I could not get beyond the warm-up of Ropes and Rowers . I was dizzy and felt a fainting spell come on. I hate fainting in public. Left the class to get some breathing room and water and never went back in. Sat for a while and my heart wouldn't stop racing ... Right. Ok. No sense in wasting this trip to the gym. So I went downstairs where it was warmer and quieter and I knew no one would be looking and judging. via GIPHY via GIPHY Since I had signed up for a class I didn't bring my headphones. From now on, I will always bring headphones. But it was kinda nice to just zone out on the elliptical for another 30 minutes. Listening to the hum of treadmills and just letting my brain wander while my body did its thing. I feel more relaxed than I have in a while (though while I wait for my ride to finish his workout I'm starting to freeze and seize up) and I got a few more ideas for this blo...

Now that I have my PMP , I seem to have lost mine -- my motivation and purpose that is. I find myself suddenly exhausted, tired, unmotivated, and unsure of what to do with myself next. "Disney Motivational Poster 3" by slyboyseth   The first few days after I passed the test, I was still in shock. I went to work on Friday, we celebrated again that night, plus Star Wars: The Last Jedi: Still waiting in line for theater 2 10:30pm showing of #LastJedi what gives @AMCTheatres BOS Lowe's location. Movie is supposed to start in 7 minutes. And no downstairs concessions!!! — Annette (@daNanner) December 16, 2017 Saturday was a whirlwind of getting Joy off to the airport (that was a minor misadventure), and I think I finally started collapsing on Sunday. I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere, especially since I had gym at 6am on Monday morning. I don't have to study, the house is clean enough, dinner has been made and eaten ... and I have gym at 6am....

Yes, I am and I am not afraid to admit it. No justification. And I am not going to let it stress me out. There are some reasons behind it that make me okay with failure. Usually I would be beating myself up over failing something like this. First off, I am so sick and tired of eggs - and I love eggs!,  especially since I can't have cheesy omelettes.  Not that I usually put cheese in my omelettes, but that flat out restriction is really irksome. I like a light breakfast of Greek yogurt and fruit. The lack of raw honey every day is almost worse than the chocolate restriction. I don't have food relationship issues. Food and I get along very well. I now feed my body whole, nutritionally dense, natural foods to keep me healthy (and fit, we're getting there). Being on this for one week is causing me more anxiety than I care to deal with. Occasionally I splurge on the non-natural, not-so-nutritionally dense items, my body reminds me why I don't do that any more, and we ...

As I hunt for content for my day job, I've come across a lot of articles, videos, and infographics that resonate with me. The  +TEDx  presenters really put themselves out there for us. It's 20 minutes I would gladly spend again (and again). She talks about connection, vulnerability, shame, and worthiness. Lately I know that I have been feeling dis-connected and isolated. Especially when feeling the need to belong and be connected to others. Vulnerability, apparently, isn't always a bad thing.      Pin It

I couldn't put it into words, but Andrew Solomon has. This is exactly what I've been feeling the last month even as I look around and note all the things that need to get done in order to function well. It just takes too much effort to do anything more than the minimum. I think I might try the East African methods (about 16 minutes in). Sunshine, dance, a good beat, and friends. These things all usually put me in a good mood and they have been sorely lacking in my daily routine. Especially friends. Pin It

"B" is for Basilisk  by  JustMick  on  deviantART Rearing it's pressurized ugly head, making me feel, well, anxious. Unsure. Confused. Apathetic. Pathetic. A fraud. The negative self-talk is back in force and frankly, it's almost paralyzing and I need to do this core dump so I get it out of my system and maybe get back to my day job. Hopefully. It's hard to breathe, to think, to focus. I feel like I'm drowning. Where's my security blanket? My cave? A cave would be good. Really good. Which is counter-intuitive because I really need more sunlight. I'm back to being high yellow again... but I don't want to be out and about. I want to be somewhere dark, warm, safe. Maybe then I'll be able to think and kick myself into high gear. Speaking of which, I just got asked for more slides and to prep for a presentation. Have I mentioned that I am much better being the rock star behind the curtain and not front and center? Do NOT put me center stage...

coming out of the fog (Photo credit: theloushe ) In general, I don't like airing my dirty laundry. I was taught it was uncouth, rude, nobody gives a damn, and why put your life on display like that. But you know what? I'm tired of being polite, in the shadows, hiding. It's time to tell my side of the story because everyone has heard my ex's side. And it caused a rift that can never be repaired.

Trying to fix my Vit. D deficiency Pin It

All rolled into one. A few things are coming together and I can breathe a little easier. Being on the verge of an anxiety attack for almost two weeks, I could feel some of the tension leave. And then I literally took a deep breathe after a huge "Whoosh!" from holding it. I thought that kind of stuff only happened in books. I'm not out of the dark yet, but there seems to be a light at the end of this very long and very dark tunnel.

Insomnia. Anxiety. Nausea. Headaches. Chronic, dull low back pain. Lack of focus. I really need to get my mind off my situation, but I feel that if I don't work tirelessly to solve it, I will have failed myself and my daughter. I know there comes a point where you can't do anymore than what's already been done, but I'm not sure if I've reached that point. I have this nagging feeling that I missed something, overlooked something, didn't do something right. It's extremely stressful. And distracting. And emotionally draining. Or maybe I feel like crap because I'm coming down with something. Time for some tea.

In reality, I'm the only one who says.    Sometimes I need to make the voices in my head shut up. They are stressing me out and making me focus on the negative instead of the positive. And I really need to focus on the positive right now. Pin It Related articles When Enough Is Enough: The Perfectionist's Secret to Higher Productivity (news.terra.com) The Glorious Ripple Effect of Positive Thinking (positiveprovocations.com) I am and what are you???..... (speakingup4me.wordpress.com)

This week has been particularly stressful, and I might be blowing things out of proportion. I have performance anxiety about work -- mainly because I'm not living up to my personal expectations and my personal life keeps interfering. I had an incredibly detailed dream last night / early this morning in which I wrote something for work, sent it around for peer review, and was brightly edited in red. Lots of red. And there were snide comments about the quality of my writing. And lots of LOL in the conversation as if I wasn't on the email thread. And there are other things stressing me out. Most of them financial. And familial. My divorce is taking forever and a day to finalize, and for the exact reason that I knew it would. Really, it's very simple. You don't always get your way and I'm done caving to your demands. And what *you want* isn't always best. However, if you're willing to compromise for a measly 6 months, I'm willing to revisit the issue and ...

Some days weeks I just get buried. I feel like I'm getting buried alive. Can't breathe. Can't think. Can't function. Can't organize. Can't plan. Can't get out of bed. I remind myself that I have to: Get out of bed. Get the kid to school. Get to work. Work. Function. DO NOT BREAKDOWN © 2011 Annette Holland - taken at the Boston Museum of Science Pompeii Exhibit Rinse. Lather.Repeat. Pin It

Sometimes the kids activities (softball games scheduled during when I usually cook dinner), my health (fatigue the last few days), and the general chaos of everyday life gets in the way of sticking to a schedule. Know what I mean? So here it is Tuesday and I'm just getting around to menu planning. My son is constantly complaining that there is no food in the house. Funny, our cupboards aren't empty and neither are the fridge and freezer, despite my attempts at mimicking Old Mother Hubbard. But to him -- because there are no baked goods, no already cooked foods (I've gotten really good at portions for 4!), and nothing easier than ramen (which he may have actually gotten around to finally eating the last case) -- there's no food in the house. And yet, I am staring at a basket-full of apples that have sat there for a week. I digress. Last night I just used the tilapia from last week's menu since one of the meals got replaced by chili cheese dogs. It was my daughte...

One of these days I'll stop using chronic back pain and anxiety as excuses for not getting fit.  That day is not today though. My back is throbbing and will for the next day or so (because, you know, my menstrual cramps are more like contractions than regular abdominal cramping), and my hip just started screaming at me, and there's a headache brewing because I've been clenching my teeth again and not getting enough sleep, and come to think of it, my neck and shoulders are a little tight too.... So,  today is not the day I get motivated to exercise. Today is one of those days I try to get through without embarrassing myself or biting anyone's head off. Chronic pain (and stress) can suck it. Pass the ibuprofen. And chocolate. Especially if you know what's good for you. Pin It

Well, I lost a pound this week. I guess the spin classes are paying off especially since it's *that* week and I probably gained 5lbs just in water weight. Also despite recovering from road food and a family reunion last weekend while the rest of you were at Blogher (mild jealousy). Overall, I'm not too upset. Being an overachiever I want to see that 2lb/week loss, but I know that is unrealistic. I'm still being careful of my back and not overdoing anything, which sometimes means not pushing myself as hard as I could. I've noticed that in spin class after a certain level of exertion my body thinks I'm having an anxiety attack, but I just slow down and concentrate on breathing until I try again. Getting through the mental barriers is so much harder than the physical ones. The Hunk and I are spinning 3x/week and light weights in between. I'm exhausted most days. My muscles are definitely confused, as in "What the hell!?! You haven't used me in 10 years ...

Bent over, trying not to cry, putting on a brave face, can't miss another day of work...where's the damn Advil?!? Where's the oxy, some T3 would be nice ... Ahhhhh, heat. More Advil please! No, I am not suffering drug-induced withdrawal. It only feels that way. My back pain has been increasingly worse over the last two weeks. My chiro, who knows me so well, asked me to look at the calendar. Yup, I ovulated. That was the start.

I think I will be taking a break from Mamavation for this month. I was happy to step on the scale this morning and see that I had maintained for the week despite a heavy dinner on "Date night" at Claim Jumper (leftovers!) on Saturday night. It must have been balanced by all the packing I did during the day . I'm just super stressed and frustrated, I see women dropping pounds like hot potatoes and I can't seem to lose more than five. There is a lot going on in my life that is probably deterring my weight loss, so I'm going to work on those issues over the next month. I'll still be watching my calorie intake , The Hunk has taken over my breakfast, lunch and dinner choices for the month. Which is fine because he's eating the same things I am. I can't wait to have more time to cook again!

193.4 Wedgies are great motivation . Especially when you get them on a daily basis. No, I am not re-living junior high. My underwear is giving me wedgies and I think my weight is redistributing itself. Honestly, I am so tired broke after buying new work clothes that fit that don't make me look like a stuffed sausage, and now this. But going commando in a skirt and heels is out of the question.