My Afflation

All rolled into one. A few things are coming together and I can breathe a little easier. Being on the verge of an anxiety attack for almost two weeks, I could feel some of the tension leave. And then I literally took a deep breathe after a huge "Whoosh!" from holding it. I thought that kind of stuff only happened in books. I'm not out of the dark yet, but there seems to be a light at the end of this very long and very dark tunnel.

Image via Wikipedia Driving home today, after having a talk with Josh, I had a realization. I hate yelling now. Despite growing up in a house of yellers (large 4-bedroom, 10 people, majority kids – we were a loud bunch, and yelling was faster than walking all over the house trying to find someone), I don’t like it anymore. I used to be the most vociferous (my grandmother constantly telling me “If I wanted you to yell, I could have done it myself. Get off your butt and go find [insert name of relative]”). We used it mainly as a means of communication -- not to belittle, harm emotionally, nor rant without thinking of the consequences. Josh’s first 4 years were in this environment and he’s sort of used to me being a yeller, but not like this weekend. Sure, I have used yelling in those ways before, who hasn’t? Tim used to complain about my yelling in the house to get Josh and Joy’s attention if they were other areas. Again, as a means of (in my opinion, effective) communication. Did...

A mixed bag 1. I've been served an eviction notice, this is a new experience for me. My landlord returned my check, so it wasn't for non-payment, exactly. 2. I haven't had a panic attack yet over the situation. This is a good thing. 3. My son seems ok, then again, his life has been nothing but turmoil since we moved back to CA. No wonder he wants to move back to OR. 4. My kids are suburbanites. 5. I can only seem to get decent jobs in CA, but can't seem to afford it still. 6. I like prunes, but my son is the one who needs them. 7. I should get up at 6 more often, it's 930 and I'm tired. 8. How do people do this week after week? I'm losing creativity. 9. My daughter really loves the dogs. If I don't find an affordable place to live the dogs will need a new home. 10. I still have a job. 11. But I'm a contractor. 12. Hrm, not funny at all. This is what happens when I try to blog when tired. 13. Joy has arrived just in time for bed. I'm trying to r...