My Afflation

This is a guest post written by Nat Smith, Rover.com community member. Rover is the nation's largest network of 5-star pet sitters and dog walkers. Me and Zoe, my best girl for the last 11 years. She's a rescue mutt who saves me from bouts of depression, agoraphobia, and anxiety. Photo Credit: Halcyon's Serendipity Depression and anxiety persist by pulling you into downward spirals. Symptoms like fatigue, social withdrawal, and the inability to concentrate actually fuel the depressive episode that brought them on. This is why, in addition to medication and therapy, treatment often includes “disruptors.” These are relatively simple habit changes that can break the cycle. Of course, these changes aren’t easy to implement. When you’re at a low point or subsumed in panic, do you really want to stop and take a deep breath? The recovery process at its best is often described as “two steps forward, one step back.”

I couldn't put it into words, but Andrew Solomon has. This is exactly what I've been feeling the last month even as I look around and note all the things that need to get done in order to function well. It just takes too much effort to do anything more than the minimum. I think I might try the East African methods (about 16 minutes in). Sunshine, dance, a good beat, and friends. These things all usually put me in a good mood and they have been sorely lacking in my daily routine. Especially friends. Pin It

Trying to fix my Vit. D deficiency Pin It

I'm trying to get some energy and happiness, or at least less "meh" pumping through my veins. Walked Zoe to Starbucks this morning, shared a breakfast sandwich with her, and usually my puppy makes me happy ... But this morning everything annoy me. Even she can tell I'm in a mood. Instead of sleeping with me last night she slept on my daughters empty bed. Last night I had no energy to do much, but I had three weeks of just my own laundry to do, so three movies later, I had all of it done except the bedding. My co-workers will thank me. My hamper already does. By the way, don't watch " Joyful Noise " when moody. If you do, grab a box of tissue. Ryan Reynolds and Michael Fassbender were much better distractions. I think when I get home I'm going to start listing more things on freecycle. Time to declutter again along with the usual housecleaning. Any have any suggestions for good aroma therapy for winter blues? I really want to air...

They aren't good thoughts. They aren't uplifting, nor inspiring, nor especially good for my self-esteem. I think that is why I have been hating the drive to Vegas and this whole season. It gives me too much time to think and reflect. And leaves me in a lot pain , which is always a mood-lifter for me. I've been canceling on people lately because of the pain and depression, feeling more and more anti-social. I really don't want to be the life of the party, but can someone drag me out once it in a while? Self-reflection is NOT what I need right now. It leads to drinking , and drinking leads to anxiety , and anxiety attacks , and that whole scenario is just bad. But if you insist on being an enabler, I'm just about out of Bailey's and completely out of everything else.

I don't know what it is about this week, this month. Around Thanksgiving I was looking forward to Christmas, and now that it has arrived, not so much. I'm ready to go into hermit mode. I am tired of the kids asking for things that they *know* I can't afford. Yes, me, not Santa. I'm not sure if my daughter still believes in Santa, but she certainly believes in her Amazon Wish List. And Josh! Since being in Vegas he has called for money, more money (ok, it's so he can buy Christmas gifts for everyone else but he could have put *SOME* effort into earning his allowance!) my external HDD or lots of DVDs to burn stuff from my brother, and FINALLY, once to find out if I was coming tonight. And could I bring ... I forget what. Joy hasn't bothered to call once, but that's ok. She's 6 and I don't recall wanting to talk to my parents when I was with my grandmother either. I guess the true source of my sense of Grinchiness is my complete and utter inability ...

I'm in an odd place today. I shouldn't be stressed, but I feel a little anxious. I'm down because this Thanksgiving, like last year's, is not what I envisioned. I guess it helps some that I didn't plan ANY vision for this year. That's a lie. I had envisioned a cozy dinner at my mom's place with my kids, my nieces, my sister, and a few displaced friends. Because I always find some extra people to feed during the holidays. It's what I was raised to do. I was hoping that a good friend from Oregon would be able to make it down. He's been having a hard time and, well, misery loves company, right? Long story short, he can't make it. My sister made other plans, my nieces will be at their father's and all other family members are either in OR, Northern CA or NV and not traveling. I'm not even sure my dad celebrates Thanksgiving with his new family. We weren't invited last year and I haven't heard from him this year either. This is the...