Chronic Pain

I am always in pain because it's a fact of my life now. I can deal with the dull, low throbbing. That I can ignore and get on with my life with generally no problem.

Then there are days when I hurt everywhere. I wake up in pain. Most often in my back, but lately my back, neck, shoulders, hips, and sometimes hands just HURT! And that much thoracic pain usually causes my IBS to act up. What a way to start the morning. Every morning. And Lord please, the days when my IBS acts up when I am commuting. THAT'S THE WORST, the most mortifyinghorribleembarrasing moments of my life, mainly because I think I have gotten off scott-free for the day. And then, BAM! make a run for the bathroom, the nearest bathroom, any bathroom.

 

A lot of my stress and high anxiety are caused by my chronic pain and vice versa. A never-ending cycle (not to be confused with the Never-Ending Story). My chronic pain could be a symptom of clinical depression, but I haven't been diagnosed as such. Besides, I smile too much. But the pain and effects of the pain cause me to stress about work, which then leads to anxiety, which then leads to tight muscles, back pain, and back to IBS, which causes me to stress out because of the time wasted waiting for my body to get back on track.

It's hard to get to work on time or do housework when you have trouble moving. It's hard on your liver when breakfast consists of ibuprofen and Aleve with a glass of milk, just so you can think past the fog the pain causes. And it's really hard on my kids who can't depend on me to move quickly or be out of the bathroom when they need me to be.

This week has been like that. And it's getting to the point where I can barely think even after taking 800mg of ibuprofen. Followed by 3 cups of coffee and lots of sugar, followed by a sugar crash to rival that of my kids the day after Halloween.

Repeat. That's been my week. And I'm over it. I want to be over this pain. It's not even chronic fatigue, at least that's what my doctor says. Just high anxiety and IBS. But I so want my body back. Pain-free please.